You wear a lot black? what it means about you

This post is followed by “Life in Color”

Color Note:

Black is not categorized as a color. Black does not bounce back any light therefore it absorbs all of the colors of the visible spectrum.

This is a safe “color” for those who don’t want to feel vulnerable. For those trying to understand or digest something from the past. It is a place of neutrality. It’s a safe color choice that many people associate with luxury. I would dare to say that the people who only wear black or choose black brands have a lot of emotional shedding to do. This doesn’t come from a judgmental place, this comes from observation and personal experience.

In my teens all I did was sleep, eat, go to school, sleep in school, talk on the phone and watch TV. This sounds normal for a teenager, now that I look back at it. But it shouldn’t be normal! Living inside of my body wasn’t that fun.

I didn’t feel confident, I felt sad and would cry for no apparent reason. Through this stage all of my clothes were black. I hated colorful things, they seemed tacky to me. My grandma would always question my color choices and wonder if I was sad. Her concern only irritated me and made me think she was so ridiculous and ignorant for thinking that my lack of color had something to do with my emotional state.

My grandma would always suggest buying colorful lights for the Christmas trees and I was always the first one to refuse loudly. “NO!  eeeww, a bunch of colors, yuk, so tacky, please buy them all white”

Time went by and my grades in High School were: one C (Social Studies), one A (Graphic Arts) and the rest Fs. I HATED school. It was such a depressing place to be. It was cold as hell, the seats were plastic and uncomfortable, the teachers lacked enthusiasm and energy, the kids were all just trying to survive by fitting in with their peers.

My daily routine was to show up to second period, wait until they called my name and leave after that. I “skipped” class almost every day of high-school. The beach was a lot more attractive then school, my house was a lot cozier or my Bulgarian friend’s house was definitely more interesting. At least at her house I could taste different foods, hear a foreign language, learn something interesting!

This went on until my senior year. A teacher asked me if I wanted to join a program where I could explore any subject I wanted. “You could leave school and learn that specific subject at a place of business” she said. This was the most exciting thing I had heard in 7 years since arriving to Miami.

When it came time to decide what I wanted to explore I had forgotten what I loved doing or what I was interested in doing. My teacher asked me: what do you love doing? My immediate answer was: ummm watch T.V, and talk on the phone. But she continued, what do you love doing? Do you have a hobby? This question opened something up and I began to ask myself: what do I really love doing?.

I had forgotten I loved to draw and to create things with my hands. After a few days or weeks of consideration, I chose clay—pottery. This is the most alive I had felt in a very long time.

I felt alive, I felt excited and I began to dress differently. I wanted to look more professional. I began to like myself again. This year my report card went from mainly Fs to ALL A’s. I found myself again through a passion! I now wanted to wear green and earth tones.

In our society people remain in this dormant stage for a very long time because our system doesn’t give us the opportunity to explore ourselves. If something traumatic happens in our life, we go through life carrying this and following the system of going to school, getting a degree that makes the most sense, getting a job, getting married having kids and by this time, who the hell has time to ask yourself “what did I love doing as a child?” “what is my passion?” or “am I happy?” People who wear predominantly wear black have strong opinions, are high achievers, and highly  intellectually educated. These people will not be the first to open up about how they feel or speak from feelings. They will intellectualize everything and find intuition a bad way to make decisions. They prefer science over intuition 100%.


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